That’s right pretty people!

Tonight is our first-ever probably-not-annual fundraiser!

“Hit Yourself in The Face With a Guitar!”

Come party with us, check us out, hit on us, and maybe try to take one of us home.

The show is $10 and it’s a fundraiser to help us send Long Pork to Sketchfest New York City! We’ve already been accepted, now we just need to figure out how the frak we can afford to get there. (Yes, I said frak, thankyouverymuch.)

In all seriousness we’ve got a great show for you folks tonight and we’re really excited to see all your smiling faces. For your $10 you’ll get to see two awesome bands who are graciously donating their time for us:

Common Shiner
&
Barehand Jug Band

On top of that we’re really excited to announce that we’re partnering with Social Media Club Chicago and are an official after-party for tonight’s SMC meeting! So come, socialize, rock out, network and have a great time! There will also be raffles where we will be giving away some amazing prizes. It’s all to support a really great cause (us) so come on down and have a good time. Maybe we’ll buy you a drink!*

Also, if you can’t make it tonight, or it’s now Friday and you’re just now seeing this in Google Reader you can still help us out by donating: via PayPal.

Here’s the details:

The HideOut
1354 W. Wabansia Ave
Doors open at 8, show begins at 9

*If you give us the money to buy it and one for us each. Sorry we’re poor, hence the fundraiser.

WE say:
So guess what!

YOU say:
What?!?

WE say:
We are doing a show this week at one of the coolest bars in all of Chicago!

YOU say:
YAY!!!

WE say:
YOU SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  SHUT….Did I tell you to talk again!?!  DO NOT make me come over there.

YOU say:
(weep)

WE say:
Oh God, Baby, we’re sorry we flipped out like that.  You know we love you.  We love you so much.  We’re just on edge because we’re so excited that we get to do some amazing comedy stage readings at the HideOut this week.  There will be prizes…you like prizes don’t you baby?

YOU say:
(weep) y-yes…

WE say:
And we’re gonna have two amazing bands play: Common Shiner and the BareHand JugBand playing with us.  Common Shiner is voiced by Morgan Foster and is one of Chicago’s favorite pop/rock bands.  Shhhh….calm down.  You remember Morgan right?

YOU say:
You mean Long Pork’s stage manager?

WE say:
Yep!  See, you’re okay!  And BareHand JugBand is one of the greatest Jug Bands in the country, or so says the Minneapolis Battle of the Jug Bands!  They are also an attractive band from thier spunky lady singers, to thier sassy Jug Player, and all the well dressed pluckin and slidin’ gentlemen folk inbetween.  Does this sound like a good time to you?  huh?

YOU say:
Well, I had plans on Thurs…

WE say:
But you’re gonna?….YOU’RE GONNA!?!?

YOU scream in fear:
SKIP THEM!  I’M GONNA SKIP THEM!

WE say:
See…I love you.

RECAP!

What?: “Hit Yourself In The Face With A Guitar!” a night of comedy stage readings by the Gentlemen of Long Pork.  Featuring performances by Common Shiner and the BareHand Jug Band.
Where?: The HideOut (1354 W. Wabansia Ave, 60642)
When?: Doors open at 8, show begins at 9
Why?: We love performing for you, there will be drink specials, lots of prizes to give away, and to raise monies for our NYC show!
Huh?: See now you are just asking questions to be silly. Silly pretty people.

Basically dinosaurs and time travel are my, Zoran Horatio Rodriguez Gvojic’s, go to improv topics.  Whether it’s a scene about a southern family, or scene about a family from the south, I’ll find some way to take my “Yes and” crowbar and jimmy these topics into the dialogue.  Why do I do it you ask?

Well it all started in a small town in Helen, Georgia where my Uncle Triceratops fell off of a toilet seat and invented the flux capacitor.  You see what I did there?  I just improvised a backstory that involved both time travel and dinosaurs.  It’s a sickness I tell you!  If only there were some way to go back and stop myself from ever making a dinosaur time travel reference in an improv scene….

OH WAIT!  There is!

(Running sounds)

(Car door opening sound)

(Time circuits turning on sound)

(Zoran explaining “This is wearing you’re going, this is where you are, this is where you were” to the audience sound)

(Ignition and tire squealing sound)

(Car Acceleration sound)

(Car accelerating past 80mph sound)

(Car accelerating past 85mph sound)

(Car accelerating past 86mph sound)

(Car accelerating past 87mph sound)

(Car hitting a brick wall at 88mph sound)

(Lonely car burning sound)

(Ambulance sound)

(Horrified Medic saying, “MY GOD!” sound)

(Zoran’s remains being zipped up in a coroner’s bag sound AKA a zipper sound)

(Parents planning a funeral sound)

(Funeral being interrupted by a herd of Gallimimus (Veggisaurus) sound)

(Parents selling the rights to Zoran’s story to Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis sound)

(690 Million Dollar box office opening sound)

(Zoran being slapped in the back of the head by Lee, Seth, Charley, and Zack for writing this blog post sound)

—–END TRANSMISSION—–